Silent Fight

“Is there anything more weak or beggarly than the disposition to wear out one’s life in an unending round of bitter thoughts and scheming gestures toward those who may have affronted us?” 

President Gordon B. Hinckley

Allowing negative thoughts to fester is something I am guilty of.  When I have been let down, forgotten, or offended by my husband I often choose to fight with him in my head rather than initiate a conversation regarding how I feel. 

There have been many nights where I have laid my head down with angry words swirling through my mind, heart racing, and fists clenched.  My husband, laying beside me, ignorant to my feelings.  This is not healthy for my marriage or my well-being.  I am choosing to destroy a relationship without ever asking my husband for help in repairing it.  I am selfishly choosing to tear a relationship apart that I cherish more than any other.

I have often reflected on nights spent in self imposed emotional isolation and wondered how I could make it different? What can I do to avoid situations like this?

This week I was reading H. Wallace Goddard’s book “Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage” and was confronted with the principle of pride, humility, and repentance.  Through realizing the pride that exists within myself I can exercise humility.  I can humbly approach my Savior asking for the grace of His Atonement to forgive me for my selfishness.  Just like any other obstacle I face within this mortal life I can turn to my Heavenly Father and his Only Begotten Son.  Through them I can change.  I can align my will with His and become the daughter He divinely created. 

I do not want to waste any time being silently angry.  I believe feeling angry is not something that innately is bad, but something that can be used as a tool for growth and change. 

I am grateful for the Atonement and its universal application.  I am grateful that Jesus Christ gave his life so that I can repent and grow.  I cherish my eternal relationship with my husband and want nothing more than to spend every interaction with him in a positive way.