Conviction

Previous to marrying my husband, we only had known each other for six months. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about him and there were things about myself that he didn’t know. But the thing I knew, without an ounce of doubt, was that he was a man that I could find joy in this life with and the life to come. I KNEW that he would always provide the necessities of life for me and our future children. I KNEW that he would do what it took to make sure our family had food, shelter, and clothing. I KNEW that he could fix anything. I KNEW that he loved his Heavenly Father and that he had a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. Lastly, I KNEW that he loved me.

When only knowing someone for six months, the idea of love is a little confusing. Although I held a conviction within my heart that I would love L forever, I had no idea the way in which my love for him would change throughout the course of our marriage. There were times when he spent more time at work than at home, leaving me feeling overwhelmed with our two toddlers and abandoned. Yet, I loved him at that moment for his tenacity, work ethic, and fight to create a better life for us. Later, he seemed to be spending more time on his dad’s angus ranch than he did in our own home. His dad was never kind to him and I couldn’t understand why he would choose to help a person who abused and ridiculed him. But, during those times I loved him for his resilience, patience, kindness, and unwavering trust.

My love for L has morphed, shifted, and flowered as our lives have progressed. There have been times when I felt forced to remember the reasons I chose him. There were times when I wasn’t sure our marriage would make it through a particular hardship. I know now, looking back, that we can make it through anything if I am willing to look past myself and truly see his efforts and essence.